Open.

21 03 2012

There’s something deep inside me that keeps trying to open up. It is unexplainable yet painful. Sometimes I feel that my heart is so raw, you could see it. Pain can run so deep, it feels unending; completely hopeless.

But I trust in my Savior. The healer of all, the one who has endured far far more and deeper pains than any of us will ever know. I am thankful he bore the nails for me. And it seems so far fetched sometimes to remind myself of the gospel. To remind myself that His pain and suffering were greater. But when I do think of that…

I can breathe. I can breathe knowing He has been there. He understands. He cares. Even when I feel like no one else can understand or care, I know that he does, and that is all the matters. There is no point in trying so hard to explain what is inside to people. It only makes this process harder…. I just need to trust that He will do the healing in His timing. For it will come from Him & only Him. No other person or thing can heal me, and that is such a hard reality to accept. But the sooner I do, the far less heartache I will have.

“After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.” 1 Peter 5:10

Advertisements




Refresh&Remain

12 01 2012

I am the worst at memory verses. I know simple verses like John 3:16 or Jeremiah 29:11. Most people you can ask what verses do you know, and they can quote those two with happy faces that we can recite something from the Bible.

But that just doesn’t cut it.

Two verses twisted to uphold ourselves. A verse telling me that I am saved. That God came for me and only me, and it is all about US. But they don’t mention verse 19, how it tells us that we love darkness rather than light and our works are evil. It is far more than just ‘believing’ in God like you do Santa Clause (who isn’t real. Sorry to burst that bubble).

Jeremiah 29:11 people throw around all the time. Talking about how God has a plan to prosper and not harm us. But… do you not know, or do you refuse to believe that this good God, also wills everything in our life? He knows all that has happened and will happen. The good and the bad. But according to Romans 8:28, not only does he will everything, he turns all of that into good. But, not for everyone. He makes everything good for those who love Him. And ‘loving’ God does not mean updating your facebook status or twitter to some Bible verse and then turning around and continuing to live in a sinful and mediocre life. Just because you do ‘Christian’/religious things does not mean you’re truly living a surrendered life where Christ is Lord…

The Word, His truth and guidelines to run this race, says…”If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” John 14:15 and “Whoever has my commandments and keeps them,he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.” John 14:21

One way to show our love and devotion to God is by continuing to renew our minds with scripture. When you get to know someone you study them. You ask questions, you begin to remember details about the things they like and do not like. You begin to know what makes them happy, or tick. You learn their passions and joys, and the sorrows and past pains. You learn all this stuff about people when you engage in that relationship. I know it seems so stinking hard to do that with God because you can’t see or feel him or hear him super clear like you’re talking to a human face to face. But He has given us everything we need to get to know him. Psalm 119 is probably my favorite chapter in the Bible (so far, I haven’t read many). I am so convicted even in the first five lines…

That chapter is all about learning His commandments and obeying them. Showing love to God by knowing and living our lives according to them.

So. Once a week, I want to post what scripture is speaking to me. And why. I seriously am the worst at knowing scripture. (I seriously looked up all of the above verses except for the first two.) I know along the lines of what things say, but I don’t know what it says, or where to find it (thank you biblegateway.com).

I need to refresh my mind with scripture, daily. Moment by moment, so that I can remain rooted in Jesus, my anchor, my Savior…

So the last few weeks the verses that have stuck are the following…

“Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you? – Unless indeed you fail to meet the test!” II Corinthians 13:5

^ The Lord has been testing me. Rocking my boat of apathy. Challenging me to go deeper in my faith and my relationship with Him.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9

^ I get settled and comfortable with sin. I justify it far too often, but I need to remember; Jesus is my Savior. He did not save me just once. I mean, He did, but I have got to remind myself that He is continueously saving me from the deceitfulness in my own heart moment by moment.

“Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me niether poverty nor riches; but give me only my daily bread.” Proverbs 30:8

^ There are issues that I mentioned I would write about soon, and this seems to be my favorite out of these verses that I can cling to, cause… well I… got nothing else.

I am excited to challenge myself in this area. Hopefully I will keep it up. Even though I can be a quitter at… almost everything. I hope that the Lord keeps nudging me in this area. Not out of a ‘checklist’ or of thing, but because I want to show my love to Him through obedience… there is nothing like washing yourself in the Word…