14 05 2016

right now,
i feel as if i am
bleeding and grieving 
many aspects of my life.
i am entrenched in this
chaotic healing process.
pain seems to be leaking
in this unspeakable and
almost unbearable way.
there’s a depth to the pain
that i have never allowed
myself to fully be exposed to.

but here i am.
facing it.

all. of. it.

every fiber of my being
feels the affects
of what has been.
i am recognizing and
validating the child- me.
through my clenched fists
and tear-stained face,
i am choosing to see that
what was,
was never okay.
and the ripple affects
have been drawn out
for far too long.

but soon the ripples
will no longer take me out.
they will be nothing but
small moments of remembering
the thorn in my side,
and the desperate need for Jesus.

this desperate need for his
touch and healing in my life.
to sink down and reach
those deep, dark places of my soul
that i had no clue ever even existed.
there’s this need for His healing to
flow fully through the
painful broken places of my
there’s a desperate need
to allow His words to be the
ripple affect of His love for me;
to allow that truth to
pierce everything i’ve
ever thought about myself or
been told who i was, or wasn’t.
there’s a desperate need for
His light to shine on
all those dark places in my mind.
the ones that have been lost or hidden
for fear of what facing those things
might have brought.

and as i slowly bring these
painful dark things into the light-
into the presence of The Light;
there’s a healing that begins.

i am no longer hiding in
those dark places or
trying so hard to hold in all of
these secret things.
they’re just spilling into the
light, and He does the rest of the work.

as i’m brave.
He does the healing.
as i cry.
He does the healing.
as i feel.
He does the healing.
as i break and break and break…
and break just a little bit more.
He is doing the healing.

right now my life consists
of surrendering every moment
to Him.
every little piece of me
is now an offering to Him
because i can no longer do
this on my own.
He needs every fiber
and broken piece in order to make
all of me whole again.






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