setbacks.

10 03 2016

i’ve had so many setbacks
the last few months
but they do not negate
the steps forward.

i have to continue to
remind myself,
i made those steps forward.

i’ve had moments of
stepping out of my comfort zone,
putting myself out there.
i’ve had moments of
being brave and facing something
head on when everything
in me wanted to run and hide.

as i make just one good
and healthy decision
at a time,
as i allow someone to
speak into the darkness that clouds
my vision and suffocates my
rationality and hearing;
as i choose to stand up and worship
Him with my arms raised high,
whether my heart believes
those words coming out of my mouth
or not, 
as i allow the waves of
sadness
anger
disappointment
and frustration to come,
and i do not allow those waves to
overtake me…

all of these things are simply
baby steps.
moment by moment
all of these things make me stronger.

it’s a frustrating dance
of one step forward,
and so many steps back.

but last night,
talking with a group of girls
i don’t even know,
Jesus simply reminded me…
” it doesn’t matter how many
steps back you’ve taken,
you took this one forward.”

even if i go backwards today,
i went forward other moments,
other days.

the enemy would love to convince
me that my going backwards
negates the progress forward,
but it’s just a lie.
and recognizing that lie,
has given me power and strength
to be a little more gentle and kind
with myself.
to remember,
this is a process.
this has been a very long journey,
but i will get there.
i am getting there.

hour by hour,
day by day….
i know i need nothing
but to remember the
love and grace that
flows from Him is
constant and never ending.

as i allow those things
to wash over me,
i allow myself to grow stronger
because it is nothing i can do
but it’s His strength that
picks me up,
and keeps me moving forward.

be kind and gracious to
yourself.

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