caught.

26 02 2016

right now,
i feel caught in
the in betweens.

caught between
what was
and what is.

caught between
my said reality
and what is actually
true here?

caught between
who i used to be
and who He has called
me to be.

caught between
the spirit and flesh
battling against each other.
it’s a massacre for my heart.

i’m caught between
the waves of life
constantly pushing me around.
sometimes it’s just wading
in and out,
but sometimes it’s a
freaking violent storm.

i’ve always been in awe
of the ocean.
yet, there is a big part of me
that is terrified of it.
i was drug out to sea
by the waves when i was
younger,
and it terrified me.
it rooted a deep seed of fear
in my heart.

and life continues to
instill that terror.
but i am noticing lately,
that in between these
waves that come crashing down,
and through the foam
bubbling all around as
i feel i’m about to go under…

there are still small moments
of beauty.
there are still very tiny steps
of victory happening.
there are still seconds where
i can see and think clearly.
and there are still moments,
between those crashing waves…
that i can  stand on my two
feet and realize

i
am
still
breathing.

and for now,
that just has
to be enough.

these storms
won’t last forever.
though most days
i feel ship wrecked,
i know that it’s in
these moments,
that He is doing this
for my good.
whether I see it or not;
i choose to cling to the words

‘… and if not,
He is still good.

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