new wave.

20 01 2016

i was off the grid roughly.
about eight months.
it was hard, but so very nice.
now that i’m back on,
i’m already tired of
scrolling through and feeling
inadequate
worthless
ugly
unsuccessful
and not put together well enough.
i sit and compare all my
mundane everyday moments to
everyone else’s best and
glamorous moments.

although i already know,
‘there is no win in comparison’
lets be real here…

we all do it.
we all find ourselves
mindlessly scrolling and scrolling,
liking and comparing and
hoping other will like ours back.
we keep hoping we will meet
whatever unspoken standard our
world has set for us now.

but there,
hidden between a lot of
these feeds in my social media…
i see a tiny wave beginning to form.

i see people i know who have
walked through the fire and
didn’t quit.
the ones who had all the odds stacked
against them,
but completely stepped up
on top victoriously.
the ones who were,
mind you, spiritual underdogs;
satan had every plan and lie
built up in their minds to completely
destroy them and take them out.
telling them they would never
be enough.
they would always suffer in silence…
but these ones,
they found themselves in Christ,
their identity and purpose
and sit back and say
‘ now look who has won!’.

these are the people who are
my heroes.
who challenge me to my core.
these are the ones that many
don’t know their stories,
or what all they have overcome
in their lifetime.
these are ones i’ve been able
to sit back and watch God
transform them
drastically….miraculously into
completely new people.

these once defeated
and incredibly hopeless people;
these guys are the ones starting
the new wave.
choosing to believe more than what
the world is offering
or what the enemy has whispered
to them for as long as they can remember.
these are the ones who are choosing
to be real and authentic with who they are
and how they portray their genuine
selves for all to see.

i want to build a space
where you share who Y O U  are.
not who you wish you were
or who you want us to think you are.
but share the good and the bad.
i want a space where people will look
at my life and say
‘man…. me too.’ and not
‘man…. i wish i did that.
i wish i had that.
i wish i could do that or
succeed at that…”

life isn’t about
comparing and measuring up
and competing to the top.
life is about grabbing the ones
around you and pulling and
pushing each other to the top.
it’s about being able to share
and be heard and seen
and loving each other
in the midst of the mess.

i want to challenge people to
be real with themselves first.
i’m challenging myself in this
as we speak.
i’m on a journey of truly looking
deeply into who i am and
trying to work on the weaker parts
of myself.
not beat myself up for my
weaker muscles but choosing
to recognize and strengthen
those weak areas.
i want to be incredibly self-aware
and i want to love and be
content with where i am in life.
the journey has been long and hard
and its been beautiful and heartbreaking.
i want to present in all those moments
and i want to remember the good
and the bad.

the good is always wrapped
up in the bad.

“I will remember the deeds of
the Lord; yes I will remember 
your wonders of old. I will ponder
all your work, and meditate on 
your mighty deeds.” Psalm 77:11-12

when i look back at the bad
and hard and ugly
and even the beautiful parts,
i see how far along He has carried me.
i see how He was just as faithful through
my wanderings in the wilderness
as He was through those victorious
mountaintop experiences.

i just want to be me.
i want to be honest
and real and genuine.
i don’t want to blast my whole
life on a screen and be impersonal
but i want to be genuine with how
i choose to portray who i am.

don’t really know how to end
this post but,
it’s where my heart sits today.

just be real friends.
be you.
no matter what.

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