guilt.

15 01 2016

i feel guilty about
a lot of things and
i feel it often.

i feel guilty receiving
A N Y T H I N G.
i feel guilty when i
completely mess up.
i feel guilty when i
say the wrong things
or share my genuine
and brutally honest thoughts.
i feel guilty not giving
more of myself.

and i’ve felt really guilty
seeing His faithfulness.
it’s odd, really.

i say that Jesus is my
everything.
i want Him in everything.
and i say that is how i live
my life.

but the more moments
that come and go,
and the more times He
unexpectedly shows up;
well i feel guilty about that.
because it shows me that
i really don’t live with Him
as my everything.
i don’t bring Him into every
single moment of my day-
big or small.
i don’t think to ask Him
to help with all these
whirling decisions and choices
that need to be made.
i think my quiet time in the
morning is sufficient enough
for my entire day.
while it’s a good start,
it’s not enough (for me).

but this is where
i am.
i’m starting.
i’m slowly learning
and realizing
HE IS in everything.
i don’t have to force
Him into these places and
situations….
He’s simply T H E R E.

He is opening my eyes
to new things and allowing
me to see His presence just
show up.

and when He shows up,
things just fall into place.
things might still be
completely overwhelming
and crazy–
but His peace surpasses
all understanding.
His joy is radiant in the
deepest of sorrows.
His light drowns out
the darkness.
and His love pours out
in the places i have nothing.

i shouldn’t feel guilty.
i should extend some grace
and patience to my own
heart because i am simply
learning.

i am thankful for the
perspective He has given me,
and i am thankful that
He is the definition of patience
and grace,
and every time He shows up,
it’s not to throw it in my face,
but it’s a simply reminder of
who He is.

He is constant.
and He is there. always there.

that guilt is no longer mine.

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