S T I L L .

17 02 2015

i’m watching
as the tiny last
bit of sun
fades fast in
the distance
and i feel
the darkness is
spilling in
ever so quickly

and His promises
seem to fade
with it

fear begins to
set in and
panic is
beginning to stir

as i feel those
very walls rising
up within me
i feel my heart
is desperate to
cling not only
to the light
of day but also to

T h e   L i g h t.

i wish i could write
what it feels like
to watch and feel
everything caving in
all around you and
within you
and maybe you know
because you feel
this way too
or you have your own
storms and waves
that come and go
that you are learning
to wade and navigate
through

and as i have seen
far darker nights
than this;
my heart has
found its home in
the trenches many days
and i feel enslaved to
my own fears

i know this to be true

i
am
still
here.

which is beautiful
and brutal all at once.

i am S T I L L here
after so many years
of living my life
in a repetitious cycle
of regret and despair
and fear and inadequacy
and failure and patterns
and wandering and loneliness
and anger and frustration

but

i
am
STILL
H E R E

despite the long haul.

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