Settle.

1 07 2014

There’s a silence
that is beginning to
settle over me.

It is beginning
to draw me in
and wrap around me
like a blanket.

Phone calls are
being left unreturned.
Texts left unanswered.
Social media almost
completely ignored.
Invites declined.

Right now,
I feel this is what I
must do.
I don’t think it is
necessarily a self destruct
but more a self protect
mechanism that is happening.

The last month
has been this
gigantic avalanche
and I feel it has
finally begun to settle,
and I am getting up
and able to breathe.

I need to allow
all the rubbish and
debris to settle
as I just kind of pick
myself up and slowly
breathe in and out.

I’m tired of crying.
I’m tired of lashing out.
I’m tired of yelling.
I’m tired of cursing.
I’m tired of no sleep.
I’m tired of being tired.
I’m tired of feeling lost.
I’m tired of feeling forgotten.
I’m tired of being alone.

So for now.
I shut up.
I shut in.

I continue to listen
to almost only
worship music,
to keep a layer of
tenderness so that my
heart does not completely
and fully harden.
Because a part of me knows
this is a process and
a season.
I will get through this.
He hasn’t forgotten.
He sees every single tear
and hears every bit of anger.
And He will continue to
make His way known.

Someway.
Somehow.
He always comes
through.

For now
I choose to settle
safely in the silence.

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