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30 06 2014

Two days in
a row,
I found myself
there again.

It has been a long
time since I’ve
run into dealing with
immense anger.

I think if I tell
some people about
my anger spouts,
they look at me like
I’m a psycho.

I’ve come to this point though
that,
we all have crap.
We all have things that
drive us to lower places.
But God also wired me
and built me intricately.

And He can freaking
handle it.

He can handle me
in that
huge sanctuary
pacing the pews and
screaming at Him.
He can handle my
two year old tantrums
of literally kicking
the pews in front of me
and punching them.
He can handle the
words that are flying
out of my mouth.
He can handle the
uncontrollable sobs that
shake my whole body
because I feel like I’m
absolutely losing my mind…

I believe in the New Testament
where it talks about how
sometimes we pray with
our groaning because there
are no words,
but it is the spirit interceding on
our behalf (which I could be totally wrong).

It seems like the
intensity is rising lately.
Life seems exceptionally
heavier,
a little bit darker,
a little bit more lonely.
Far more frustrating and
confusing than it was before.

I’m doing all I can
to not completely
close in and
shut down and
to continue to step;
I whisper through the tears,
just. one. more. step.

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