Breathe.

5 05 2014

Sometimes
the bomb has
exploded.
The chaos has
begun.
The terror sets
in.
The fear grips
you.
You stand there
frozen and
motionless.

I seem to have
more and more
days
where fear seems
to absolutely grip
my very being.
I feel completely
overwhelmed and
overtaken by my
thoughts.

They say that
Jesus is the only
thing you need.
He is your utter and
absolute
e.v.e.ry.t.h.i.n.g.

But sometimes,
I wonder where
he is when the
chaos comes.
How do you cling
to something,
that you just really
don’t fully know.
How can you trust
in a being,
that isn’t always there;
yet He is always there.

Sometimes in
these chaotic and
griping moments,
I wish I had a buddy
who was by my side
at all times
to grab my face,
and scream through
the thoughts and
fears and the panic
and tell me calmly
“It’s going to be okay…
you got this. You got this…”

These days,
my safe haven
has become my bed.
When these times
show up,
I tend to find my way
to my bed,
and drift into a deep
sleep.
I can at least shut down
and wake up
as if it has blown over-
until the next time.

I know Jesus is there.
He has shown up
time and time again,
but it’s never really
consistent.
Or maybe it’s not how
I want it.
Sometimes I wish
the trenches weren’t
so lonesome.
Sometimes I wish I
could feel his presence
around me.
Sometimes I wish
I could see the light
in the darkness a little
more often.
Sometimes I wish I
could hear truth a little
louder.

But that’s not
how it works.
I’m thankful for the
times He does show up.

Maybe I’m just not
really doing my part
fully.
I know I’m stubborn.
I know I’m resistant.
I know I’m a wall-builder.
I know I’m a pessimist
but,

“The secret of change
is to focus all of your
energy, not on fighting
the old,
but on building the new.”

 

 

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