worship.

24 02 2014

I look forward to
the day that
I gain a little bit
more of a steady
momentum.
Not that life is ever
smooth ships and
sailing,
but sometimes
when you’ve gained
ground,
and stood on it
for a while,
and it becomes a little
bit more solid
in Christ,
your feet can walk
a bit more steady.
Right now I feel like
I walk on jell-o
still.
Constant motions
up and down.
Hearing truths
and lies,
just trying to weigh
the scales through
my heart.

The other night,
it was so nice to
just sit in this dark
huge sanctuary,
with other people
all spread out,
and all in our
own little worlds
to worship and
rest in Him.

This past week
was super hard.
I took big steps,
but still don’t
feel super joyful
about them.
But I know it was
the right thing to do.

And I stood there,
in that sanctuary the
other night
singing (yes, I actually sang!)
one of my favorite
songs,
“Holy Spirit, You are
welcome here. Come
flood this place and fill the
atmosphere.
Your glory God is what
our hearts long for
to be overcome by
your presence Lord….”

As I stood there,
in a time where
I didn’t want to stand,
and I didn’t want to
sing, and I had
all the negative stuff
flowing like crazy
in my mind…. my heart
was reassured that it
isn’t about me
and it isn’t about what
I do.

Rather-
He gives me the grace
to stand
and He is the One
who keeps my heart
bowed down….

So tonight.
When that anger
wells up
and the bitterness
and the frustrations
of this season….

I will choose to
stand on this ground,
and hold tightly to
the whispers He
has spoken recently…
I didn’t want to take
communion today,
but I had to say yes,
yes this is my ground
and no longer satan’s
therefore I am
welcome to this table…

Once again,
when nothing in me
wants to,
I will choose Jesus
and not my flesh,
and only by His
graciousness can I do this….

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