S-H-A-T-T-E-R-E-D

30 01 2014

And it wasn’t till tonight,
when I sat with
a group of people,
who know too much
about me,
yet choose to love me…

It was with them,
that I shattered once again
all of my heart
to the floor.
This is now the third
or fourth time,
and I always feel so guilty,
but as I was processing
out loud,
and frustrated and
hating every word
that spilled out…

As the words couldn’t
stop,
in my mind I connected
the dots…

That
this
IS

GOOD.

All my life,
I have tried building
myself.
I have tried putting
all my broken
pieces back together.
I have tried sweeping
the pain under the rug.
I have always naturally
been so outgoing
and crazy,
but not truly
opening the depths
of my wounds.

I’ve done this all on
my own.
And He is absolutely
shattering
ALL
THAT
I
AM.

All that I’ve built
all that I’ve hidden,
all that I’ve tried.
All the running
and forgetting
and changing
and fighting
and crying
and aching…..

I never have fully
given Him
enough room to build me.
I’ve never allowed
Him to chime in
what He thinks of me,
or why He created me.

I know all the
‘you’re a daughter of the king’
‘you’re his beloved’
‘you’re his child’
yeah yeah.
I.got.it.

But no,
no I don’t….

Here’s to marking
down
yet another
revelation to the
root of so much in my life.
*sigh….

baby steps,
and I still have such
a long haul ahead,
and that’s okay…

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