Silence.

26 12 2013

There will always
be those tensions;
that battle within
but more than anything,
it seems to come
when I’ve chosen to
take a step into the light.
When I expose myself,
when God reveals Himself
and when things begin
to click.

Then the hard times
begin again.
I had a nice break from
life,
but life always catches back
up with you.
And that darkness always
finds its way back
and this time,
I feel like I’m just sitting
and it is slowly
making its way around
my heart
and silently I just
watch the darkness
come and cover itself
around me.

The last few months
my heart has fought hard,
but sometimes I just
have no more fight.
So I sit in silence and just
watch the darkness come.
I’m never as strong
as I wish.
And I never know how to
ask Him to be my strength.
It always seems like
I must be pretending.

So I sit.
And I wait.

And maybe someone will
walk by
and take a look at me
and grab my shoulders
and shake me awake
and to get moving and to
fight again.
To get up and stop
being a baby and to
stop wallowing in my
depression and sadness.

I’ve had a lot of people
do it the last
few months,
but that doesn’t
mean I don’t still need it.

I hope one day I can
be them,
and be the one shaking people
awake and fighting for them.
Stepping in whether they
want me to or not,
just because I care.
Just because that is what we
do,
is fight for and with each other.
That one dude in the bible
had people holding up
his arms for him until
the battle was won.
And he was a strong one.

But he still needed those
others to keep him lifted up
until the battle was over.

I don’t know how long
this battle will be,
but I hope people are still
with me through it till the end.

*sigh.

curledup

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