Common Ground.

1 10 2013

I am getting a little excited inside.
I try not to show it
I try to hold it in
because I feel I always
end up really disappointed.

The last two years
I have been in this
odd and crazy season
of shedding my skin…
Trying to get rid of this
almost identity that shows
I am part of ‘the church’
that I am a ‘Christian’
(not denying my faith
but denying myself as a
‘religious’ person that
has a terrible rep).
I have been trying to shed
the fact that I need
people and community
to live life with.
I have been trying to do it
all on my own…
And I have done more
than failed miserably.
I have been defeated
completely alone
and have ruined quite
a few good friendships
I once had.

Finally
after deciding I did not
need
God
the church
people
the Word
prayer
friends
accountability
or any of the sort;
I decided to just
sit in my big ole
pile of shit…
and it has taken almost
two years to realize
how BAD it stinks…
How LONELY I have been.
How WEAK I am
when left on my own.

I have been sitting in
the mess of burned bridges
a shattered heart
a dark and cold personal
hell
and have really been a
big selfish jerk…

I am at the stage of
recognizing…
I see all I’ve done.
All the wounds and
reasons why I decided
to venture on my own…
to set myself apart.
I recognize how I have hurt
so many people around
me.
I recognize how selfish I’ve
been.
I recognize how stubborn
I am and how prideful
I am.
I recognize I hold too tightly
onto things that really
don’t matter so much.
I recognize no one can
change me or fix me.
I recognize I need Jesus
more than ANYTHING.
I recognize I have
several tattoos about
Jesus on my body
and I don’t live or
really believe a single one
of them- yet.
I recognize that God
is opening my
eyes
mind
ears
and heart.
I recognize that God is
softening my heart
like never before.
I recognize we are all
broken and we are
all changing and
growing and works in
progress.
I recognize it’s time
to get the hell up.
I recognize I need people
and community to HELP
me.

I recognize God is bringing
together a bunch of
people my age
still at different stages,
from different backgrounds
and stories
and hurts and victories
all onto the same ground.
To get to know each other,
to learn the same things
together
to challenge each other
to love each other
and to take that out
into all our other places
together…. and separately
all in one.

It’s a beautiful thing
that only God can do.
I am watching Him
literally move already
in ways I haven’t
really cared to see before.
And I am a part of that.

I have been working
so hard to run from
a part of my identity
that He has given me…
and that is…

Part of HIS church.
I am part of the body.
Broken
outspoken
intentional
and genuine all in one.
He has made me a part
of His body, and no matter
how hard I try to shed that
or run from it,
He will always bring me
back to a part of
the identity that He
has given me…

I am excited for
the first time in years
about church
and christians
and people
and bible study
and worship
and community
and praying….

It is beautiful
when you can find people
who share in part of the
same and most important
Common Ground…

Jesus and His Church…

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