Rebuild.

25 07 2013

Today was full of
strengths and weaknesses
all intertwined
and unfolding in one
moment.

I spent some time with a
friend,
who I am super thankful for.
Thankful for the positive attitude
and encouraging words.
Thankful that she has both humor
and truth that speaks out
of her mouth,
all wrapped around grace and
knowing she doesn’t have it
all together either.

And as we ran today,
I was frustrated and angry
inside.
At myself.
Feeling like I wasn’t enough.
We ran,
she chattered along,
and I was hating myself inside
and speaking everything
bad that I could; silently
cursing who I am.
I was dragging trying to
keep up.

I feel like that is how
life is right now.
I’m trying to keep up.
My feet are dragging in
all different directions,
with no direct path.

And she was speaking
truth,
just simple basic truths
to me.
And behind my shades,
I chocked back the tears,
because I’m used to repelling
truth and having
my walls built up.

But the last several
days,
those walls have been
collapsing
and through the brokenness
the truths were making their
way in….

and He will rebuild me
with the quiet of His love.

And that’s why we need
community.
To have people who
surround you,
that not only love you,
but believe in you.
They push and challenge you
even when you just want to quit.
Even when you don’t
believe what is coming out
of their mouth,
truth will always find
its way in.

It was crazy to me
how she could see so
much good in me,
when I think polar opposite.
When I surround myself
with only my thoughts,
I begin to believe those
things about who I am,
that I really am not.

Community allows
for people to bring to life,
the real you.
When you don’t have
community,
you don’t know how to
separate some of the lies.

I had almost forgotten
what community tastes like.
Even though the taste still lingers
on my lips.

Maybe we’re becoming
friends because
God is challenging her
in the area to listen to
people, really listen
just as He is challenging me
to speak out and
to step into the light.
It is always a terrifying thing
to step out of the place
you’ve known for so long,
just so that you can be
known.

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