Surrounded.

20 04 2013

I have a lot mumbling
and jumbling around my heart
these days.
Things so clear,
I feel people could read me
like you’re reading this.
Then there are those things,
I cannot even articulate,
even if there were fifty
letters in the alphabet.

I stumbled across a blog
that inspires me.
I love reading blogs,
but none of them quite spark
me as this specific blogger.

I spent the evening with
friends
watching friends use their
gifts.
Watching as people responded
being surrounded and
immersed in the middle
of those gift givers.

As I enjoyed an evening
with friends,
good music
and coffee,
I still couldn’t brush
away the question that
was really
surrounding me.

What are my gifts?
Yes yes, I know.
I’ve dabbled in
photography
drawing
guitar
running
swimming
hanging with kids
writing
and those things
of the sorts.

But what am
I really good at?
What am I really
passionate about?
I have no idea what
comes natural to me.
I have no idea
where I am going in life
and who I am.
I think I should at least
have a hint of that.
But to be honest,
I don’t.

Usually,
I do not ask those questions.
If anyone asks me,
I shake it off
try to hide the tears
and embarrassment
and try to change the
conversation quickly.

I have a lot of
soul-searching
to do.

I want to find who
I am,
but sometimes I think
my heart is spread
across many cities
and countries
and pieces are left behind
and have been given
throughout my last
18 moves,
that it just seems
so hard to put any of that
together.

20130420-005023.jpg
 (photo Credit: Brett Miller)

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