10 01 2013

The last 8 or 9 years
I have had this odd prayer;
“I want to wrestle God like
Jacob did.”
I never vocalized that prayer
until about two years ago.
And then I was pretty much shut
down and told that it was wrong
and prideful and sinful and
‘why do you think you’re so
prideful to be able to fight God?’

Well, maybe they missed
what I was saying,
and I haven’t thought of that
prayer in quite a while.
And on Sunday I was reminded.
After the sermon Kevin talked
about ‘wrestling with God like Jacob
for Him to give you a name and
a purpose’.

And when that prayer came out,
that thought or idea;
Kevin wasn’t shot down and told
how wrong and unbiblical that was.
in my head, it was finally confirmation.
Confirmation that YES!
Yes, even if I have prayed that,
I’m not praying that I’ll show up against
God and win.
I’m praying that GOD will show up and
win, because I know He will win.
And I want to be put in my place
and I want to be given a purpose and
a name.
If me begging Jesus to come off His
thrown to fight me is anything-
I think it’s me at least screaming
for an invitation with Jesus.
Screaming my desperation of
how much I need Him.
How much I need His guidance
and touch in my life.

And on Sunday,
I feel like I was given just
a tiny bit of confidence
in who I am in Christ.
Even though I still have no idea
fully what that looks like,
but that I can approach
him all hard-headed,
weird wired, and as
desperately as I want Him.

He knows.
He gets it.
He wired me.
He can handle it.




One response

11 01 2013

I love reading your words. You said it perfectly. He can handle it. If He can’t handle it, then He’s not worth worshipping. And you know what? There have been plenty of challenging prayers made throughout the years. God wants to hear our hearts. He’s our daddy. Don’t I want to hear the hearts of my children? Why should He be any different?

On Wed, Jan 9, 2013 at 10:38 PM, Talitha Koum

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