Ponderings.

5 11 2012

I have always loved the idea of
boats
oceans
water
sails
and anchors.

Something about the image
of floating away
to the rhythm of the sea.
As the waves guide
you away from land.
Guide you away from
what you stand on
to be your anchor.

But as you go,
you learn to trust in the boat.
Trust in the waves.
And they become your anchor.
The sail is your surrender
to the sea
to trust the leading.

And sometimes
you’re led out into the stillness
of the sea.
It amazes me that the calmness
and the magnitude of
these gigantic waves
can all be one and
the same.

I think the Lord has been speaking.
I lean in a little,
as if to eavesdrop because
I’m afraid to let Him know
I’m listening.
I need Him.

And I read this the other day,
“I refuse to sink.”

All along my journey,
I have had people tell me
they admire that I never give up.
I always keep fighting
and I fall down again and again,
but I always get back up….
(which in my head, I feel like a quitter
again and again and again.)

And today in church,
yes,
I was leaning in and listening
to almost every word that was
spoken.
Even though I pretend not to care,
pretend to feel like
He can’t tell
that I took the time
to show up.
I pretend and think He doesn’t see
that I slapped a smile on my face
just so that I wouldn’t
look like a brat.

And He spoke it again…
He said it’s okay to doubt.
It’s okay to hurt.
To be wounded.
And blessed are those who
believe and do not see.
Doubting Thomas
put his fingers in Jesus’ wounds…
and he believed.

And one day,
as we continue along in this journey,
we will continue to fight
and to be wounded
and to be sad
and to break
and to grow… deeper.

And people can see those wounds
wide
raw
and open.
They can flinch at it,
and see the pain…
and they can also,
believe in the hope of Jesus.
And that is what
my heart is needing to be
reminded….

The enemy has not won.
He never will….
the battles rage,
but the war will be over,
and victory has been claimed…
And I will not lose fight.
I will not lose my way,
I will not quit fighting….

Today I remember,

I refuse to sink!

And tomorrow I wake up,
and say that again
and the day after that
and the day after that…

If there is any hope,
and truth any anything
that I can hold onto anymore…
during this weak and
lonely,
depressing,
long and barren season…

I REFUSE TO SINK!

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One response

5 11 2012
joeysan

Pssst….fyi, a quitter doesn’t get up. A quitter stays down.

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