Desolate.

15 10 2012

And it is there that You will find me.
You always do.
As my heavy heart
is wandering about the barren lands;
cracked and bruised
just like the wasteland I stand on.
The one that is so cracked and dry-
in desperate need of life
love
and in desperate need
of Him.

The fruits are minimal
if at all.
The spring no longer flows,
for the blood flow is that
which is cold and harsh.
There is a tension I hold
within my heart.
Tired of the tangled web
of lies and twisted truths
that run all throughout my
mind and my heart.
So tired of trying to find the root
and beginning of where this all began.

I walk around hating You,
the One who created me.
Who wired me the way I am.
You knew I would respond in
all the ways I do.
You knew I would hold tightly
to my brokenness unable to give it up;
even as I hold my broken heart
in my hands
allowing the blood to just flow from
these tired veins
You knew I wouldn’t be able to give
it to You.
(and I still can’t understand how the blood
     flowed from your hands)
I hate all the places I’ve been taken,
this journey that I cannot come to grips with.
Half of this is my own fault,
but what about Your half?
The years of silence have broken me.

You exist.
You love.
You Create.
You reign.
You woo.
You heal.
You save.
You forgive.
You justify.
You protect.
You provide.

You do all these things,
yet I can choose to still hate You.
To still be confused and mad.
And for this season,
I think I will.
I’m so tired of trying and pretending
and faking my way through…

My heart needs to find you
in a genuine way.
But unfortunately
there is a tangled mess
that seems to be in the way.
If you choose to move it
great.
If not,
well… I will be here still.
Just like You are,
wherever You are.

Chillen in the sky………..

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