Silence.

3 10 2012

I sit at two o’clock.
Legs crossed,
because I was never able to do
that naturally you know.
Hands folded,
smile on,
and nervous eyes.

My thumbs nervously
twiddling
and my eyes wandering
around the same room,
in the same circulation.

Secrets can be kept in my mind.
All growing up,
I was told I was very bad
when it came to keeping secrets.
But little did they know,
the world I hold inside.
There are things
that have never been spoken.
We all carry these things.

As I sit across from this stranger,
in this strange place…
the child in me says to keep silent.
To keep quiet all that I have held within
these last (almost) twenty-five years.

Why would I speak up now?
Why would I share these pieces of me
this many years later?

There is a possibility of freedom in it.
Unfortunately,
all my issues
all my insecurities
all my hang ups
all my brokenness
all my uneasiness
………
yes,
all these things
stem from this.

So I sit silently,
across from this person
and I continue to hold back.
To do what I do best,
and I lean in a little.
I need trust.
I need more love than before.

And I need freedom.

Yet,
I refuse to speak.

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