Aware.

1 09 2012

Recently I learned a beautiful metaphor
to describe our hearts.
The love bucket.
Our hearts are each buckets,
we each are naturally made to
crave love
receive love
and pour out love.

But as we live in an incredibly broken
and sinful world,
our buckets get a little beat up.
They get banged around,
holes shot in them
they get tattered and bruised.

I have lived my life
with a hole-y love bucket.
Constantly looking and seeking love,
and constantly being given love,
but also constantly losing love.
Due to the fact that my bucket
as many,
has lots of holes in it.
The love that is poured in,
can’t stay for very long.

The other night I felt loved more than
anything as two women
spoke truth into my life.
They poured tons of love into my bucket
in ways that I can’t explain.
Through their prayers and affirmation,
through their tough love,
through their perspective
and their gentleness,
through their kind words to build me up,
through their hugs.

And here I am a few days later,
and I feel so unloved.
Unworthy of being able to attain love.
But the good thing about it this time around is
I know why.

I know I have holes now.
I know I have brokenness and things have hurt
beyond my control.
I know I have created some of those holes,
and I know there is healing.
And I know one day,
God will fill those holes,
and eventually my love bucket
will be so full that it will….

Constantly pour out.
But pour out because of an overflow of having
SO much love inside me.
It will naturally flow out
and I will once again,
be able to love carelessly.
I will love without reserve,
without thinking too much.
I will find that natural thing inside of me
that loves to love others.
To encourage and build them up.

But for now,
God is allowing others to do that for me.
And I need to be okay with that.
I need to be okay that I am not strong right now.
I am so broken,
and He is continuing to break me.
Over and over again….

And it’s a beautiful thing really….

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