27 08 2012

Years ago I went to Africa for 5 months.


I flew alone.
{I hate flying}

I built friendships I thought would last forever.
Too bad people don’t hold on to things like that
the way I do.
So those are long gone.

The week before we came home,
one of my favorite couples- the Hodges
hosted us in their home.
They were a saving grace of mine during that trip.
They accessed something inside of me
that I had never known before.
During the last week we kind of looked back on the
past five months and where the Lord had grown us.
I thought about all my dreams
and desires I wanted to pursue for the Lord.
I had new heart-beats.
Things that made my heart feel alive
and motivated to move and do something.

The day after I got home,
I remember waking up in the gloomy winter of
december in Chicago.
I woke up and everything had changed.

I was in four feet of snow;
not 120 degree Africa.
I woke up in a new time zone;
not 10 hours behind.
(I never had jet lag when I came home).
And all those dreams and passions were no longer present.
They were all nothing but a foggy memory.

I remember feeling like Africa had happened
so so long ago.
Like some crazy distant dream.
It was all just an echo that I could barely hear anymore.
And I have never tried to go back.
I have things come up every now and then that hurt
from that trip,
but I have never ever tried to recall those passions
or things that I thought were so beautiful and good
and that I thought had changed my heart in a good way.

I really only remember a couple of things from Africa now,
and all the things I received or wrote or
had from that trip are all packed away in a little box
covered in dust.
Several times I’ve tried opening it,
but I feel like it’s opening a painful place in my heart,
and I close it back up.

Waking up that day,
It really was the strangest thing….




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