When I do not know what to say…

2 12 2011

I find my heart in such an interesting place. I still feel like a little babe in Christ, learning and soaking in all these new truths that I fought against, and resisted for so long; wanting nothing to do with any of them, because I wanted to be the captain of my soul. I wanted to lead the way, and think that I was good enough to walk into heaven just like that…

Thankfully, I have had quite a wake up call, and my heart has changed. Jesus has shown Himself, and all His glory… well not all of it, but I cannot wait till one day when I can see all of it.

My heart feels incredibly tender right now. Tender because Jesus’ heart is tender, and it is He who is in me. I feel so sensitive to the smallest details in life right now.

Maybe this is seeing the world through His eyes and not my own? Seeing the broken world because of sin? Seeing the consequences of sin in all its fullness. Seeing the selfishness that rules our world today and the greed that has blinded our very eyes…

My heart is sensitive to so many people I meet. I meet a lot through my job, and the coolest thing, is I get to serve those people. I used to only care about the money, and how much I did or did not get. But this week, out of nowhere, I really do not care. I mean, I DO, but… for some reason, I have been seeing my guests differently. I have been taking this time to truly serve my guests. Not serve them because it’s my job. But serve them, because this is an opportunity. No matter if they only tip me a dollar, whatever… that’s fine. Even the rude people, I want to love in return, because that is what Christ has done with me. He continues to do with me. I do not see this lasting forever, but my heart right now, just wants to love people. I trust that the Lord will provide how He feels, and right now, I want to just focus on others, and being able to hopefully be a light.

“To love the least, to love the lost is to love Jesus.” -Shaun Groves

That is a huge point of why we are here people! TO LOVE OTHERS! It is that simple. To love others self-lessly. Which is SO hard to do. To love another despite how or if they will love us in return. Those who claim to be believers, we have THE greatest gift on earth. We can share the gift of Jesus!

So many guests that come in to my section at work, I want to sit down with them, look them in the eyes, let the tears begin to fall and tell them that there is something far greater than everything they are striving after. That everything they are working so hard to accomplish, or the people they are trying so hard to please or be loved by, there is someone who has the ultimate opinion and who cares more than anyone on this earth does! I want them to know, that there is someone that they can live for. That it doesn’t all end when we die, and we just hope for the best, and that the grass is greener on the other side.

I get teary-eyed with the faces that come to mind that I have served the last few days, and not being able to express what is inside. I fumble and stumble over words these days.

I hope that tears are able to speak. Because right now, that is the language that I speak. My tears speak for people I want to be saved, the ‘unfairness’ that seems to be absolutely everywhere right now… the “I just don’t understand”‘s. My tears speak of gratitude and humbleness and joy. My tears speak of a longing to be home. I just want to be home with Jesus right now, and hear Him say, “It’ll all be okay. I am making all things new. Just wait and see!”

My tears come from deep within. From the depths of a new soul in Christ, with a new hope. I wish I could express more of what the Lord is speaking and challenging, but maybe for another day…

I will end with this verse that comes to mind… “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings to deep for words.” Romans 8:26

Dig deep into the Word, His truth. Get your focus right on the gospel, and maybe you will begin to see the world around you differently.

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